Friday, Contact High, Chessboard
by Boisterous Hal
Summary: Life at McKinley High never gets boring.  Junior Prom comes along and things just get weird.  Sue and Sylar play chess.  Random crack, one-shot, up to 2x16 "Original Song".


**Title: Friday, Contact High, Chessboard**

**Summary: Life at McKinley High never gets boring. Junior Prom comes along and things just get weird. Sue and Sylar play chess. One-shot, up to 2x16 "Original Song".**

**Characters/pairings: All of the McKinley High glee club (Bartie and Chang Squared FTW, Fabson not so much FTW), the not-very-nice McKinley football team, Brett Parker (from 2x7 "The Substitute"; last name made up by me), Glee haters squished by cute, gelatinous candy, His Royal Highness of the Space Sharks, Sue Sylvester, and Sylar (from Heroes, who did not write Ke$ha's "Tik Tok", contrary to popular belief).**

**Warning/spoilers: Drug references and crack. The author does not condone the use of mind-numbing drugs, because drugs = bad and glee = good. Spoilers up to and including 2x16 "Original Song".**

**Author's note: The randomness below resulted from combining one of my favourite songs with a Glee fic. Brittany S. Pierce says 'hi', and sends the following message: 'Everybody drink responsibly'. Best. Line. Ever.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, the supermegafoxyawesomehot former serial killer (oxymoron FTW) known as Sylar, nor the lyrics to "Contact High" by Architecture in Helsinki.**

'It's Friday, Friday, Friday,' Brittany sang, as she prepared herself for Junior Prom night.

'Oh no, you are so not singing that terrible song by Rebecca Black,' said Artie, who had just entered Britt's room.

'I so am, and it's not terrible. It's a catchy tune about my favorite day of the week.'

'She can sing, but they messed up her voice with autotune! Can you imagine if our glee club used autotune in our performances?' Artie shuddered.

In a parallel universe, where the New Directions glee club was featured in a hit TV series, a large group of Glee haters nodded smugly. They were not so smug when they were squashed by a gigantic family of gummy bears who lived in a giant broccoli tree.

Brittany blinked. 'I thought that autotune is what that mechanics do to people's cars. But anyway, my point is, I should release the song that I wrote for our original song assignment.'

'You mean "Sweet Lady Kisses"? I don't think the world is ready for that, hon.'

'Well, ready or not, here I come.'

Despite himself, Artie cracked a smile.

'My single could outsell "Friday" and even "My Headband" by Rachel Berry, you know,' Brittany continued. 'Then we would have enough money to get us to Nationals, while proving that I'm more talented than all of you. Britney Spears showed me that.'

'So you keep telling us, love,' Artie said dryly, dazzled by the stars in his girlfriend's eyes. 'Whatever you do, you'll have my support.'

'You really are the best boyfriend ever.' The glamorous ex-cheerleader turned around to face him. 'How do I look?'

'You look beautiful,' Artie replied, because she really did. Brittany leaned over and kissed him on the lips. 'You're so hot. Sex on four wheels,' she said, and leaned in for another kiss. Artie, however, glanced at his watch and said, 'As much as I'd like to make out, we should go, or we'll be late for Prom.'

_Two weeks ago..._

There was definitely tension between the glee club and the football team. It was if the entire week that the latter spent being part of the former never happened, as evidenced by the ominous note stuck to Finn's locker: "If you losers start singing and dancing at Prom, you will die."

The entire glee club, led by Finn, confronted the footballers in the courtyard.

'Our original song, "Loser Like Me", helped to make us winners at Regionals,' Finn growled. 'We're not afraid of you Neanderthals.'

'Finn used a big word,' Mercedes commented. 'You go, boyfriend.'

The football team, not knowing the the meaning of the word, glared at them and left.

'I say we go ahead and sing at Prom!' Puck snarled.

'Yeah, we should show the rest of the school that we're defying gravity, and no one can being us down,' Rachel chimed in.

'Watch out, Elphaba is going to burst into song again,' Santana said quietly to Brittany.

'No, we shouldn't sing at Prom!' Tina exclaimed. 'I don't want any of us to die.'

'Tina is right,' Artie said. 'Though I could afford to lose my legs, I'm against any action that would jeopardize the chances of any of the glee club winning Prom King and Queen.'

They all eventually agreed with Artie and Tina, even though they didn't like it.

_At Prom..._

If there was one positive thing to come out of this, it was that the glee club and footballers hadn't come to blows yet, and nobody had been slushied. The two groups kept away from each other, since the tension could snap at any time.

The tension seemed to lift as an audible, collective gasp greeted the arrival of Artie and Brittany at the top of the stairs. It was not the boy, who looked dapper in his black and white suit with baby blue tie who caught their attention, but the girl who was pushing his wheelchair. Brittany, who looked stunning in her strapless Little Black Dress and her hair swept up, stepped out from Artie and spun around once. The crowd 'oohed' in appreciation. Even Quinn and Santana, the most attractive girls in the school, couldn't keep their eyes off her.

Britt smiled and waved to everyone. 'Hey, everyone! Looking good. I'm Brittany Susan Pierce, as you probably know, this is my boyfriend Artie Abrams, and dolphins are just gay sharks.' The crowd murmured at her very words. Puck climbed onto a table, threw his hands up in the air and shouted, 'Dolphins are just gay sharks!' Everybody echoed him, and Finn exclaimed, '…and I'm hungry like the wolf!' The glee girls shushed him, and later explained that dolphins and wolves featured in Duran Duran songs are not related subject matters.

Meanwhile, in outer space, Shakaboomboomjarxxlepaw, King of the Space Sharks, heard the dolphin slogan on his Galactic Audio Transmitter. He bristled at the insult of having been compared to those pathetic creatures. Humanity would pay, oh yes it would. He lost his train of thought when a shoal of space tuna foolishly glided by. His mouth formed into an evil smile. He lived for the hunt.

Back at Prom, Brett Parker, also known as McKinley's resident Harry Pothead, entered the room. He sure had smoked something strong tonight, for a wave of contact high swept over everyone present.

'Oh no, not Architecture in Helsinki,' Brittany moaned, but still surrendered herself to the infectious beat implanting itself in her brain.

_T-t-touch / If one of these two walls could speak / I'd turn the lights down long enough to hit repeat / Right now my vision is gone __and magic's to blame / It's silent down here, hey I want to get loud again._

Artie got up from his wheelchair and floated up to the ceiling. Brittany soon joined him and they began dancing on the ceiling. They stopped when they realized it was not a Lionel Richie song that was playing.

_I might be dancing, doing nothing but I've had my share / You've got a strange infatuation with the elements in the air._

Rachel sang, 'Contact high / I'm done dreaming that we can fly / Am I guilty? Boy, you decide / I've got nothing to hide'. She proceeded to grope Finn. Quinn, who was Finn's date, would have confronted Rachel, if she hadn't been conversing with a pot plant on the merits of quantum physics.

A week later, Mike Chang said to Tina Cohen-Chang that this was the strangest and most entertaining Prom he had ever been to. Tina pointed out that this had been the _only_ Prom he had been to, but laughed that they wouldn't forget it in a while.

By the way, Artie and Brittany won Prom King and Queen, because they rule. Sam Evans congratulated them, and then got home by firing himself out of a confetti cannon. Lauren Zizes attempted to do the same, but unfortunately for Azimio Adams, he got in her way and was flattened like a pancake.

Far away, in Le Chateau De Slashtastique, Sue Sylvester was engaged in a chess match with her best frienemy, Sylar. (Chess is the favorite past time of kick ass villains in the extra-planar dimension.)

'...which is when I rolled down my Le Car's window and yelled, "Get out of my way, fatties!"' Sue recounted, as she moved her Rook horizontally across the board. Sylar laughed. 'If you didn't spend so much time rearranging my things without my permission, I might grow to like you, Sue.'

'If only the feeling was mutual,' Sue replied, if only to detract from the unresolved sexual tension that was building up between them.

'Oh, by the way,' Sylar said, moving his Queen. 'Checkmate.'

Sue glared at the board, and let out an agonized scream. She upended the chessboard, sending pieces flying in all directions. She then pushed over her chair and threw various articles of furniture around the room (accompanied by tantrum genre music, naturally).

Sylar sat back and smirked through the whole thing. When Sue was all tantrumed out, she righted her chair and slumped in it. Using telekinesis, Sylar returned the pieces to their box, and moved the furniture back to their rightful place. 'Relax Sue. It's only a chess game,' he said.

'Says the man who just won. I have grown to realize how much fun it is to throw things.'

'You have a point,' Sylar replied, fondly remembering the times he threw fertilizer through Peter Petrelli's apartment window.

'Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go knock back some fish oil and return to my nefarious plotting,' Sue declared.

'Oh, do tell. What are you plotting this time?' Sylar asked, leaning forward in interest.

Sue glared at her frienemy, before also leaning forward in her ridiculously oversized chair and steepling her fingers. 'The same thing I plot every episode, Eyebrows. To try and destroy the glee club!'

'I see,' Sylar said, and his lips curled up into a conspiratorial grin. The maniacal laughter of Sue and Sylar echoed long into the night.

**The End**

**I know, I know. It's an odd, random fic. Even I can't explain why I wrote it.**

**Review, please. Brittany does not like to be kept waiting.**


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